My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i'm inner monologue high
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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