i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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