But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
