I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
