well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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