note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
