Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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