I am spending my child support on dildos
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
