i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
