The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
