Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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