Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
