To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
