If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
