There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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