remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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