Already got asked if we're dating
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just want nice things and good sex
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
