So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
