maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
