and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Barsexuality is the new black.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
