Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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