And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
