Umm I'm too high to move.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
