i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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