i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
