did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
