i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
