good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
