my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
