So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
