What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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