Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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