it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
