don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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