You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
