Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
