i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
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Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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