chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
