I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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