His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize