The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
