But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We need to rekindle our bromance
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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