so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
