Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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