Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Randomize
