the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
