Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
third nipple confirmed
I just had sex on a roof
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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