i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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