I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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