Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
