I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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