Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
