Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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