I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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