my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
