If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
