He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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