I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
