and you said cock pushups were impossible
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
