So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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