so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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