Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
