stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
