yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
