I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
