My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
